Ooh Chloe

Whew! What. A. Year. It’s hard to believe that 2016 is over. I know a lot of people have negative feelings about this year, and maybe rightfully so. But 2016 was absolutely amazing for me. In fact, the only reason I’ll be staying up tonight is to cherish every last second of this year. As any year, it had its low points, but I know without a doubt that this has been one of the best years of my life. I knew it was going to be a good year when I made a new friend and grew closer to another at the very beginning of the year. These two have since proved to be two of the best people I have ever known. (No offense.) It couldn’t be all good, though. Mid-February landed me in the ER (the first of three times this year). I had been dealing with health problems, but it was at this point that I took a turn for the worse. Early March was an exciting time for me. For the first time, I felt like God was really asking me to do something – lead a Bible study! Starting this was a little scary for my s

Emmanuel: God with us. I’ve been familiar with this name of Jesus for years. I led my church in worship with a song with the word in it, and sang several others as a member of the congregation. I once went to a church called “Emmanuel.” I’ve even thought about what it means. I’m no stranger to the term. Right in time for Christmas, I had a perspective change. A few nights ago, I was listening to “ The Truth is Who You Are ” by Tenth Avenue North when they referred to Jesus as Emmanuel. I have also heard this song before. Dozens and dozens of times. But I realized something. All the times I heard and thought about it, I was wrong. I had always thought that it was cute that Jesus had a special name for his thirty-three years on Earth – the time when God was really with us. I didn’t mean to, but in my mind, I had left “Emmanuel” in the tomb even after Jesus left it. But as I heard Mike Donehey’s beautiful voice singing, “Emmanuel, God with us,” the truth sucker punched

This week has been a rather rough one for me. I know, I know, it's only Wednesday. It hasn't been all bad. "Bittersweet" is definitely a word I would use to describe it. Yesterday, I had a "diagnostic laparoscopy." A few people have asked how I'm doing. The selfish part of me wants to say, "I was just diagnosed with a endometriosis, a lifelong illness that hurts like hell, causes internal bleeding and scarring, and has the potential to prevent me from ever having kids; I have two incisions that feel like they're on fire; my throat hurts from a tube that was stuck down it; my doctor pumped me so full of air I have to wear clothes three sizes too big; my insides have been mulled over and some of them even cauterized with a laser; and my medicine makes me so tired that the only time I'm awake is because I'm in pain. How do you think I feel?!?"  I do not like talking about this. I only told about five people that I was having su

Here's just a handful of the invaluable lessons I have learned the past seven months. Until now, I never missed anyone strictly because of distance. Anytime I missed someone, it was because they left. Forever. I didn't know what to expect, and may have initially took things harder than the average person because I felt as though moving was a death sentence to the first friendship I've had in two years. (See, " Lessons " and " The Word with Friends .") Now, I understand that's not true. It's an obstacle, not the end. For music's sake, Jason Aldean's " See You When I See You " is a fantastic song, and is very relevant to this post. More than time exists. There comes a point when you realize there's more to friendship than being together. I once read something to the effect of, "Don't confuse those who are with you with those who are there for you." I cannot stress that enough. Do I miss the days when di

Every time I get on Facebook I see a post poking fun at millennials for needing a “safe space.” The only thought I have is, “Goodness, why am I even on this website?” I then switch over to Pinterest – which I have customized to the point that it is a well-oiled machine that never rarely disappoints. To be honest, I’m just tired of politics. For me, politics come up nearly every day. I don’t instigate it, but my life is filled with people who are very vocal about their stances regardless of how close to/soon after it is after an election.  That may be the main reason I have never mentioned politics on here. This is my safe space. (Pun intended.) To be honest, I think the whole concept of a "safe space" is out of hand. People on both sides of the argument are being a little ridiculous. Here's why. People were designed to need a safe space. I'm sure you're confused now considering I just said the whole concept is out of hand and ridiculous. Instead of

This is a rare post where I don't have a "realization" or some kind of aha moment. I don't have a silver lining, a word of encouragement, or something inspiring to say. To put it bluntly, I got on here to whine because I find comfort in letting my broken heart bleed on a page. There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed. - Ernest Hemingway Enough. That's all I ever wanted to be. I never asked to be the best: someone's best friend, the best student with the best grades, the best member of the band, the family favorite, the best taste in music (that's important), the prettiest girl in the room, the best leader, the best writer, the best guitar player, the funniest in the group, the best speaker, the wisest person, or even the best Christian. I never asked to be the best anything. All I ever hoped to be was enough. Enough to make someone want to stay . I gave up on the idea of being the best a long time ago. But after

As I sat down to write this post, four months ago, I couldn't do it. I've wanted to do this for a while, but was always too overwhelmed to actually finish. Here we are, four months later, and I finally accomplished my goal. My intent for this post is to not only express my gratitude for all that Christ has brought me through, but to hopefully show someone else what Christ can do for them. It's because of that second reason that I pushed through the discomfort of delving into and exposing part of my past. A while back, I wrote " A Letter to My Nine-Year-Old Self " which touched on my past, but the real hurt in my life occurred before I was nine. I'm only going to talk about two specific events in my life, but they're by far the most influential of anything that has happened to me. When I think back as far as I can, one of my first memories is being about two years old, sitting at the front door with a box of raisins, crying for my dad. Not because I co

It's been a while since I've posted anything, but I suppose it's not a bad thing. I've been so busy trying to take in all these blessings that I haven't had much time to write. When I do, I'm honestly so overcome that I can't get the words out. I never knew what David was feeling in Psalm 23 when he said, "My cup runneth over," until now. My heart is so full. This last week, I was on the phone with a family member telling them how it had been such a good day. I went on to tell them some different things that had happened that day. As I did, everything I said was something bad. I finished my summary of the day with this, "Wow. It sounds like it was a terrible day when I say everything that happened. But it wasn't. It was a really good day, and I just feel so blessed." What I learned from that is that a simple attitude of gratitude changed my whole perspective of the day. When I focus on what's right with my life instead of what&

'Tis better to give than to receive. That's what they say, right? In the case of having a praying friend and being a praying friend, I think it's tied. Both are so powerful. You can't really pick which one is better. Personally, being a praying friend has brought about many blessings in my life and I want to help you become that friend. When I first started, I was very lost. I didn't really know what to pray for. I looked on Pinterest, and for once, it failed me. I couldn't find any substantial content regarding praying for your friends. That's when I had to actually use my brain, which is probably a good thing. I will admit that having a comprehensive list would have helped boost my prayers in the beginning. I want to give you some general ideas that you can personalize or use to help get your mind cranking and your prayers flowing. 1) Success : Pray that God will make them successful. Not just wealth, but that they will see results in their efforts

This is me as the flower girl at my mom's wedding,  at nine years old. As I was working out this morning, I asked myself a simple question: "How did I get so fat?" I couldn't control my thoughts, though, so it ended up being a reflection on my whole life. My childhood in particular. That's when I began to think of things I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was nine, as it was a pivotal year in my life. Dear Chloe,      Life must feel pretty crazy for you right now. Everything is changing; I know how that scares you. It's okay to be afraid, just don't let it keep you from living the fun life. I'm sure right now you can't imagine anything being fun. Your mom just got married, you've just changed schools, you broke your arm trying to be "Wild Woman" on your bike (i.e., carrying an armful of things, reading a book, and flying down the ramp as fast as you could - all at the same time), and your meeting new people seem

Have you ever been part of a conversation, but not really part of it? Like where you could join in, but you just don't feel like talking - so you don't. I do that all the time. Earlier today I did it. I had a lot to say, but being my INFJ-self, I couldn't pull all my thoughts together in the moment. Now here we are, and I'm finally putting in my two cents... where the others won't hear it. Hmmm... oh well. The conversation was one that some Christians would find offensive. (Note: the individual I'm speaking of is well learned in the history of the church.) The initial comment, by the noted individual, was something like, "Christianity is one of the most adaptable religions." Now let's be honest, you don't have to have all the study that this person has had to know that. I used to attend a cowboy church. I did a quick Google search and found these themed churches: biker, football, Star Wars, skating, and karate. I know there are more, but t

Although I never played the game, I heard a lot of people talk about "Words with Friends." As I sat down to write this post, I thought of it because it's so fitting for what I have to say, and it made me giggle a little to be honest. This summer was really amazing, if you haven't gathered that by now. Of all the great things that happened, one of my favorites was a little "Bible thing" I started doing with a very good friend of mine. It all started one day when when I realized that I went three weeks without reading my Bible and didn't even bat an eye. Honestly, I've gone longer, but this particular day it had been three weeks. (Which is still too long.) I came to terms with the fact that my willpower or resolution wasn't getting the job done. What I needed was accountability. A year ago I would've thought, "Well crap. I don't have anyone," but this year I have someone. I immediately sent them a message asking for that accou

Earlier this summer while at a church conference (the same one I mentioned in It's all heart. ) a different speaker used the story of Jesus and the Rich Young Man (Mark 10:17-31). Some translations say the Rich Young Ruler. Either way, it's the same story. The actual sermon was about idolatry and putting things before God. Leave it to me to get stuck on another point, though. Verse 21 caught my attention and has had it captured pretty much all summer. It says, "Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him...." Why does that mean so much to me? Lots of reasons. At the time is spoke to me because of a personal matter in my life where two people that I cared about were at odds. (More like, one was just living their life and the other was holding a grudge and would not let it go.) When I heard this verse, the first thing I thought of was forgiveness. Here's an excerpt from my notes from the sermon on this particular verse: It's Christ-like to see someon

This summer has truly been a life changing summer for me. Several factors play into this, but it all comes down to loss and strain and butterflies ... just kidding. It comes down to personal growth. (Which apparently did not include overcoming the urge to drop song lyrics all the time.) More specifically, spiritual growth.  Since I was saved two years ago, I've had a slow and (sort of) steady growth rate. Starting a Bible study was a big launch pad, if you will, for me spiritually. After that, a lot of big and little things contributed to more growth. This summer has had its good times, and certainly had its struggles. Through it all, the biggest and maybe overarching theme of all the lessons I've learned is that our motives mean more than our actions. (I touched on this a little in I Will vs. My Will .) I have never been a "bad person." I was a well behaved child in school. My teachers always told my mom, "I wish I had a class full of Chloes." I ne

Sometimes I have a hard time letting go. I hold on to everything that hurts me for no apparent reason. Late this spring, just over a year after getting removed from my church band , I was finally able to move on from the hurt. I was able to talk to the guitar player, the one who gave me the call, and tell him how I felt about everything and how he impacted my life. For me, that was the final step that I needed to take for healing. This last week I saw some members of the band and the church. I just smiled and waved. It was the first time that I didn't have to blink back tears. It was honestly an amazing feeling. It hasn't taken long for me to realize that, despite the huge milestone, I still have some moving on to do. I have made a few mentions of losing my best friend. This happened about two and half years ago. I didn't realize how much I still think about her and let all the mean things she said control me. I used to listen to " Let it Rain " by David Nail a

Ever since I was a little girl, one of my favorite stories in the Bible has been the story of Hannah. Here's the Chloe Version: "A woman named Hannah wanted nothing more than to have a baby. She prayed diligently year after year in hopes of - well, having a baby! She had almost given up hope when 'the Lord remembered her plea.' It was then that God gave her a son, Samuel." I've always thought of this story in terms of patience. Now that I think about it, I realize that it's about endurance. Patience is simply waiting for what you want. Endurance is actually going through pain in the midst of or because of waiting. I want to encourage all of you who are struggling, suffering, in pain, waiting - enduring . Your time is coming. You will be blessed. In my mind, Hannah represents struggle, pain, loss, and ultimately growth. The name, Samuel, actually means "God has heard." I think a lot of times we need "a Hannah" before we will really

I have a penchant for weirdness. I am one weird individual in case you didn't know. I also love my fellow weird individuals. Last night, I was wide awake from 2:41 to 4:43 AM contemplating life. It was a blast. I made it through today on five hours of sleep and 30 oz of coffee. That was more of a blast than contemplating my life for two hours! At one point I thought, "Life is just really weird." Think about it. We like to think that we're in charge of everything. If I have learned anything this past year, it has been that I am in control of about 5% of my life. I can control my choices and my response to things that happen to me. That's about it. I can't even be sure of the effects of my choices. This time last year, I was right in the middle of that " unexpected move at the most inopportune time ." I'm not going to lie, I had the maturity of a two-year-old that needs a nap and just got their ice cream taken away. I was angry because I wasn'

Busy. That's almost always the word I use when someone asks how I'm doing. I wake up at 6 AM every morning - although the past two mornings I slept in till seven because I'm so darn tired - and usually go to bed around 11:30. According to my Fitbit, I average 6 hours and 18 minutes of sleep. That's not good for a girl like me because nine hours of sleep is when I'm at my best! Since I'm a busy, tired full-time babysitter, I like simple meals that us grown-ups will love as much as the kiddos! For me, simple doesn't stop at a few steps or a few ingredients. Simple has to have minimal dishes because I HATE dishes. That's why I love my One-Pot-Tots. It takes two dishes: a pot and a spatula. (Heck yes!) So, enough of my talking, let's get to the recipe! One-Pot-Tots 1 1/2 pounds ground beef (or whatever meat you prefer) 1 can Cream of Mushroom soup 3/4 cup frozen peas (optional - I don't usually. Ha!) 1 bag frozen tater tots Shredded chee

As a human being, I find myself wanting to be fulfilled, and I would bet money that you do too. You want to have a career that leaves you feeling full, you want to settle down with someone that makes you feel loved, you want friends that leave you feeling happy, you want to find hobbies that allow your inner self to flourish. You want to live, not just survive. I do too. Take a gander in the "Quotes" section on Pinterest and you'll find quotes like these: "And now I'll do what's best for me." "You never need to apologize for how you choose to survive." "If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors." "They wanna see you do good, but never better than them. Remember that." They seem empowering, but are they really? To a point, yes. Only to a point. Sometimes you do have to step up and do what is best for you. You have to stop listening to what everyone says you should be doing, and just do what you know i

Last week I had a very eye-opening experience. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal, but as a devoted INFJ, I managed to make it a big deal. Wednesday afternoon I went to a bakery. While I was there, three air force men walked in to get some lunch. They were acting pretty normal: slightly macho, serious, and not very talkative. I wasn't surprised. I don't know if I've ever been there without at least one service member dining. They were looking in the case of cake, pie, sandwiches, cookies, and other baked goods. The first man ordered a turkey sandwich and pasta salad. The other two were still looking. All of a sudden the second's eyes lit up as he exclaimed, "Is that carrot cake?!" The third whipped his head around and had the look of a little boy in a candy store. They went on and on about how excited they were about the carrot cake and both ordered a piece. See? It really wasn't a big deal, but it made me think. They were so excited about something as

This is going to be a pretty short post, I just have a spiel about a little something I've been wrestling with. The past few days I haven't been able to force myself to stop listening to John Legend's " All of Me ." I went to sleep listening to it and crying last night, and I woke up to it and started crying again. I'm kind of a mess right now. What's new, right? I don't have a love interest that I'm thinking about. I know it's a very romantic song, but it really applies to a friend. I've never had a friend like them. Through this experience I've came up with a new philosophy on friendship: everyone needs at least one friend that is so special that you can devote "love songs" to them, but not be romantically interested. I'm telling you, I love this friend to pieces. Every time we talk I am simply " Overjoyed ." I've never dove in so fast with someone in my life. I am such a guarded person. I have actual

Babysitters: a group of individual who are, in my opinion, under-appreciated and misunderstood. As a babysitter from a long line of babysitters, I might be slightly biased. At any rate, I have some strong feelings about babysitting. I've been a baby sitter for nearly six years. I've been a caretaker, tutor, and Thursday night "Sunday School" teacher to all kinds of kids. I've watched hyper, ornery, calm, sweet, special needs, and every other kind of kid in between. I'd be lying if I told you that I enjoyed each child equally, but I have loved them all. Most people don't consider the love that goes in to babysitting and all we put up with for kids that aren't even ours. (I know that we are paid to compensate for our work, but no amount of money will give me back my time, energy, or sanity!) I babysit all day, five days a week. Those days are spent feeding, cleaning, entertaining, and sometimes disciplining four different kids - from five months to eig