Since I was saved two years ago, I've had a slow and (sort of) steady growth rate. Starting a Bible study was a big launch pad, if you will, for me spiritually. After that, a lot of big and little things contributed to more growth. This summer has had its good times, and certainly had its struggles. Through it all, the biggest and maybe overarching theme of all the lessons I've learned is that our motives mean more than our actions. (I touched on this a little in I Will vs. My Will.)
I have never been a "bad person." I was a well behaved child in school. My teachers always told my mom, "I wish I had a class full of Chloes." I never did anything to hurt anyone intentionally, I kept to myself, I made good grades, joined the good clubs, got good scholarships, volunteered to help others, worked in my church as soon as I was "released" from the children's ministry, and said all the right things to make people believe that I was a "good Christian." I was a whitewashed tomb. The truth is, I thought hurtful things about people every day, I complained about what I did in the clubs, I didn't really care about the people I would help when I volunteered, I dreaded helping at Church many times, and I didn't believe a word I was saying. Doing all the right things didn't make my heart pure or give me a Christ-like attitude. If anything, keeping myself busy kept me from facing the reality of my condition: a lost soul trying to please a God with half-way attempts at righteousness from my own power.
Now, even as a true believer, I still get caught up in the idea that if I try hard enough that I will somehow be able to do enough. God doesn't stop judging at our actions, He starts with our hearts.
"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Don't judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'" - 1 Samuel 16:7Earlier this summer, I was at a church conference, and one of the speakers said, "Nothing gets to our hands without first going through our hearts." Meaning, our sins start with thoughts, desires, motives. We don't typically do something that has never crossed our mind. In Matthew 5, among other topics, Jesus talks about lust. He tells us that even looking at someone with lust causes us to commit adultery in our hearts. See? We don't have to do anything. On that note, if we do look at someone with lust, odds are we will eventually act on those thoughts. (The same goes for all other sins, not just lust/adultery.)
I was looking on Pinterest for fitness tips a while back (I've lost four pounds by the way! I know that's not much, but it's a start!) and saw a pin that said, "Fitness is 90% mental and only 10% physical - your body won't go where your mind doesn't lead it." I think that's a rather germane quote for this topic. Fitness is hard for me, I love sitting here writing and I also love chocolate. The thing is, both of those combined don't exactly lead to a fit life. If I want to continue seeing results, I'm going to have to completely change how I think about fitness. Instead of thinking "ugh I have to do this workout" or "I just want chocolate," I have to change my thoughts to "I get to workout this morning!" and "This carrot is delicious." Okay. I hate carrots. That will never change. My point is, until we change our motives, we're just keeping sin in our back pockets, waiting for a time when we think we can get away with it. We're hiding our dirty hearts with seemingly clean actions. Furthermore, we aren't letting ourselves live in the presence of God or experience His grace. Transformation starts on the inside and seeps to the outside.
"...be transformed by the renewing of your mind...." - Romans 12:2
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