Ooh Chloe

It's been just over three months since I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Already, it has been quite the experience - and not the kind of experience I wanted when I told myself to be more adventurous. I've been dealing with it much longer than three months, but having a diagnosis changes things. The moment I woke up to that news, the little glimmer of hope I had been holding onto died. The last time I posted about this was the day after my surgery. I was trying to be strong. I wanted to take it in stride. I wanted people to see me and think that either nothing was wrong with me, or that I just really have my life together and am impervious to chronic illness. I was resisting reality. It wasn't until I had a little talk with myself that I was able to stop resisting it. I was laying in bed one morning waiting for my pain medicine to (hopefully) kick in. My frustration was growing exponentially. Before I knew it, that frustration had turned into little tears that quietly

I don't have a lot to say today. I'm still healing from the onset of spring , but little by little my days are getting better. This morning I woke up to my pretty lily that bloomed over night. It's not a big deal (other than the fact that nature is amazing and I love plants so so much), but it was a small reminder to me that there are still so many good things in life. Here's my lily because I'm so proud and want you to see her: On the third of June, at a minute past two, where once was a person, a flower now grew. Five daises arranged on a large outdoor stage in front of a ten-acre pasture of sage. In a changing room, a lily poses. At the DMV, a row of roses. The world was much crueler an hour ago. I'm glad someone decided to give flowers a go. - "Flowers" by Bo Burnham

Well folks, spring has sprung. I know it's not technically spring until the twentieth, but it has officially begun in my world. You see, I have this weird thing about me where something awful happens every spring. Yesterday was that day, and this year it was two things. One thing, which I won't bore you with, was simply a major let down by someone I thought I could trust. That's life. It hurts and I have regrets, but " life keeps moving on ." The other, was the passing of my great-great-grandma. Even though I messaged one of my friends yesterday and made the comment, "everything sucks right now," I'm trying to learn from the legacy of my amazing grandmother. I want her wonderful life to overshadow the pain of her loss and the devastation I feel from being let down (yet again). Over the summer, I had my last semi-coherent conversation with my grandma. She wasn't all there. She was crying for her mom, looking for her deceased husband, and sin