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Life's weird.

I have a penchant for weirdness. I am one weird individual in case you didn't know. I also love my fellow weird individuals. Last night, I was wide awake from 2:41 to 4:43 AM contemplating life. It was a blast. I made it through today on five hours of sleep and 30 oz of coffee. That was more of a blast than contemplating my life for two hours! At one point I thought, "Life is just really weird." Think about it. We like to think that we're in charge of everything. If I have learned anything this past year, it has been that I am in control of about 5% of my life. I can control my choices and my response to things that happen to me. That's about it. I can't even be sure of the effects of my choices. This time last year, I was right in the middle of that "unexpected move at the most inopportune time." I'm not going to lie, I had the maturity of a two-year-old that needs a nap and just got their ice cream taken away. I was angry because I wasn't in control. I had my life planned out perfectly. What was God thinking?! In my mind, this was the most ridiculous thing that could happen. It didn't make sense to me and I didn't want any part of it. Regardless of how big a fit I threw, the move had to be made. I got over myself and decided to live a life under the radar. I didn't want to make any waves whatsoever, and I definitely wasn't going to get attached to anyone. That was me a year ago - a bitter, scared mess. Now, I am SO grateful for that move. Yes, it brought many of the challenges that I had expected, but it brought many blessings that I never saw coming. As I thought of these blessings I realized that they were all better than what I had planned. If my "perfect" plans had panned out, I know I wouldn't be as happy with my life as I am now. I'm just feeling very grateful for the fact that I don't run my life. That sounds a little crazy coming from someone like me who always wants to be overly prepared and in control. Looking back last night (or should I say this morning), was a huge reminder of how much better of a pilot God is than me. Even though I've been a little loopy today (bless all of those who talked to me, you deserve a medal), my contemplating was well worth it. It often seems that overthinking only causes stress and adds to worry, but every once in a while I overthink myself to the point where life makes sense - if only for a little bit. The realization that life is weird and unpredictable somehow brings peace to me because I know that I don't have to have everything figured out - God already does.

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