A Very Present Help

"God is a refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." - Psalms 46:1

Y'all. My life right now.

I am so overwhelmed. While I'm tempted to be overwhelmed with fear, worry, stress, anger, frustration, grief, and despair - and I have moments that I am - overall, I have been overwhelmed by the goodness of God. Not because He has kept me from all possible hurt or trouble,  but because He has been there with me through it all. And by doing that, has not only revealed more of His perfect and holy character to me, but has grown me in my far from perfect or holy character. 

This season of my life has brought me so many struggles and hurt that I never anticipated. I would say that every area of my life looks quite different from what I planned (2 Corinthians 4:8-12). My education, career, my relationships, even where I'm living. Sometimes I do get angry. I get frustrated. Some days my hope wavers. None of this is to say that I am leading a miserable existence, or even to complain, but rather to show the human side of my story. Because sometimes the earthly side of me does get the best of me, and I won't pretend that it's any different. In fact, I feel the need to expose that part of me. Because that side of me makes herself known more than I want, the times that I fully surrender to God and allow Him to work in my life are all the more evidence of what God has done and is continuing to do (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

A couple weeks ago I had a situation. I received some news that left me feeling helpless, scared for my physical safety, and somewhat abandoned by God for a brief moment. It literally brought me to my knees. The stability I thought I had worked so hard to achieve seemed threatened - and if I'm being honest, it is. But through this one event, God worked through the people in my life and took care of me. As awful as it was to initially go through that, it brought me to a point that I couldn't put any trust or hope in anything but God. I realized how little control I truly have. As I mentioned before, I thought that I had achieved my stability. I had a sense of control. All of that came crashing down because of four words. Within the next two days, a problem in communication between scheduling and payroll at work led to my paycheck being cut short, my heater went out during a major cold front, and I was working over a week without a day off. In addition to some ongoing issues, I realized how little control I have over anything. In fact, the only thing I control is my response to everything else. Being faced with this truth in such a personal way forced me to surrender to God in a way that I honestly never have before. 

But, sweet friends, the constant trials and troubles have ultimately led to me being able to see more clearly how my God truly is a very present help in my troubles. This whole season of my life has made my faith so much stronger and personal. Many of the scripture that I have heard and read for years haven't always seemed to apply to me are now applying. The verses that seemed like distant, ancient sayings and poems have become beacons of hope, personal truths, and a soothing salve for my soul. 

I don't just know that the bible says to be still and God will fight my battles, I have seen him fight and win them.

("The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” - Exodus 14:14)

I don't just know that one time I heard Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 in a sermon, I understand that there is time for everything and have used that to make decisions and to lean on as a wait on the Lord to finish some situations and trust the outcomes of others that He already has.  

("For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.")

Psalm 121:8 is no longer a verse that belongs on a church bulletin, but a verse that I have tucked in my heart and wear as a shield when fear threatens to overtake me. 

("The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.")

Psalm 16:11 isn't a verse to save on Pinterest because it sounds good, it is a truth that I know and believe because I have lived it. Because, despite the heartache and loss, that seem to be trying to cloud up my life, I have experienced not only joy, but fullness of joy.

("You will make known to me the path of life; 

In Your presence is fullness of joy; 

In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.")

Not to say I fully understand or grasp the weight that Christ felt when he said, "Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done," but I understand it now more in my life than ever (Luke 22:42). The struggles, pain, and fear I have felt have not at all been pleasant in and of themselves, but the process of drawing near to God in the midst of it has been the most love and grace drenched experience I have ever had. While many of the realities of my life feel so very harsh and uncalled for, if it brings me closer to God and to a better understanding of Him, then I will take it - this cup. I will take the troubles. I know that Satan hopes that I will fall, but every trouble he hurls provides more of an opportunity for me to see how very present God is in my life and makes me love Him even more. 

My position in life is not one of comfort by any means, but the posture of my heart has benefitted greatly. I want to encourage you. I don't know your struggles right now, your losses, the places your hear aches, the hurts and insecurities you don't talk about. But I know I serve a God who is a savior - someone who is the perfect balance of loving and tender but mighty and powerful. I know that He is just as present in your troubles as mine. Take heart, lean in to Him. 💗