Do you ever see that person? The one that doesn't even have to look at you, just being in your line of vision is enough of an offense for you to want to flip the table. Everything can be going fine, even great! You could be having the time of your life, but the moment you see them, all signs of joy are gone and it's just you left with your bitterness. I have one of these people. Or a few. Oddly enough, I somehow think that I can blame them for "killing my vibe." As soon as all the negative feelings hit me, my first thought is, "b****, don't kill my vibe." (Y'all, I know. It's awful. I felt convicted. That's why I'm writing this post.) This past month I have realized how destructive this behavior pattern is. First of all, it doesn't hurt anyone but me. Second, that is not the attitude Christ has toward me, so I shouldn't have it towards others. Third, no one has the power to kill my vibe. If anyone is killing it, it's me.
It's one thing to recognize a negative habit, and another to break it. Before I can begin to break a habit, I have to truly understand what the root is. Most of the time, it is a lie that I have believed at some point that I need to replace with truth. I need to replace Satan, the father of lies (John 8:44), with Jesus, The Truth (John 14:6). Real quick, I will outline the lies that ultimately led me to this awful pattern of thoughts and behaviors and show how Satan uses them in his plan to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).
1. My happiness depends on others. Steals my joy.
2. My identity is rooted in others. Kills the person God has called me to be.
3. I deserve to be angry. Destroys relationships.
Without even thinking in spiritual terms, depending on other people for your happiness is a really bad idea. People are fickle. That's what scares me. I can be enough for someone one day, and the next they can decide I'm not. They can find someone else. They can change their priorities. My little quirks that used to be cute, funny, or at least tolerable can become annoying. I struggle with the idea of being able to find joy and happiness through other people, but not depending on them for it. There is a huge difference between them, but only a thin line that separates the two. In order to truly depend on someone, they have to be completely unchanging. How many people do you know that haven't changed one bit? I can't think of any. Other than Jesus, that is. He is the only one who has always been the same and will always be the same (Hebrews 13:8). I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that. I can depend on Christ. When life is unpredictable, people let me down, and I am at the point that I can't even trust myself, I can trust Him, the only source of true joy (Psalm 16:2, 8-11).
This second lie fits right in line with the first one, and is honestly more destructive than the first. Happiness is how I feel, my identity is how I view myself, who I think I am, and directs every action, thought, and pattern of behavior. If I view myself through the lens of who I am to other people, I will eventually end up disappointed. Daughter, sister, friend, mentor. Those are all different ways that I could view myself. Those are the good ones. What about the bad ones? Former member, ex, used to be my best friend.... I tend to think of myself more in these terms than "friend" or "mentor," but the truth is, neither were intended to be how I define myself. Every earthly status is temporary, and second to my status as a child of God. As a person who is just a fickle as the rest of humanity, the only thing about me that won't change is the fact that I belong to God (Romans 8:38-39). My status with others may change, but my status with God won't. I don't have to find my sense of self or my worth in my ever-changing self's relationships with ever-changing people. I am forever loved by God, and that is the truth that I need to live out.
Lastly, who do I think I am? The moment I think that I have the right to be angry at someone for treating me wrong, I have forgotten Jesus' words, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her," (John 8:7). Just because I have never hurt someone in the exact same way that I was hurt does not mean that I have not hurt or wronged others. I know I have. I have done things and treated people ways that were completely wrong and inexcusable. I have no right to be angry, because I'm no better. I like to think that I am, but it's simply not true. Take a look at Psalm 14:3, "They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; There is no one who does good, not even one." If I ever get the notion that I am better, I need to back that truck up immediately. Furthermore, I don't forgive those who have hurt me because they have earned it, I forgive because Christ, the forgiver of ALL my sins - not just one, is in me; therefore, I am to forgive those who have wronged me (Matthew 18:21-22). Let's face it, Jesus wasn't talking about being kissed on the cheek when he said to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:38-39). I don't love people because they love me, I love because Jesus loves me (1 John 4:19).
If I am a daughter of Christ, who finds her happiness in Him, and loves others because He so graciously loves me, how can anyone "kill my vibe?" The only way is if I let them, and the only way I let them is by believing the rotten lies that Satan is constantly hurling at me.
We know that he is intentional with the lies he tells, so we must be proactive and intentional by constantly filling ourselves with truth.
"If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." - John 8:31-32
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