Easy to be Free

It's not very often that a person comes along who makes you instantly feel like they "get you." It's even rarer for that person to be singer who passed away before you were born. I have a knack for getting in unlikely situations, and my love for Eric Hilliard Nelson (Ricky/Rick Nelson) is one of them.

It was early August and I just had foot surgery. I was sitting in the house, bored, in pain, and melting from the 100°+ weather. I was just discovering the world of 50s and 60s music. To me, this was Elvis and Dion and the Belmonts. That's it. I had exhausted their music that was available on Spotify. As much as I loved that sound, how many times can a girl listen to the same two artists in a week? The friend who was helping me during surgery recovery was probably tired of Elvis and Dion, too. She suggested that I look up "Ricky Nelson." I almost didn't because I am a creature of habit, and change scares me. Then I realized that I had nothing to lose - unless listening to "Hound Dog" for the 25th time in a day is a loss. I typed in Rick's name on YouTube. The first song that came up was "Hello Mary Lou," so I figured it was a good one and proceeded to listen to it. When he got to the chorus and said "Hello Mary Lou, goodbye heart," I responded with "Hello Ricky, goodbye heart!" I listened to "Hello Mary Lou" everyday from then on. I would listen on repeat for HOURS and not get tired of it. For a month or two, it never occurred to me that Rick had more songs for a month or two. One day I decided that I should listen to some of his other songs. By random selection I chose "Everlovin'." At this point, I began listening to every song of his I could find, saved every one of his songs available on Spotify, and as every good little INTJ would do, I researched him... I mean every thing you can find out about him, because I don't want to waste my time on someone if he isn't a decent person. I read about the Garden Party incident (getting booed off stage for playing new music), learned about how he had been rejected by society in the mid-late 60s just for being himself, and the way he pushed through and kept doing what he wanted. His song "You Just Can't Quit" is a direct response to the rejection. In the chorus he said, "When the whole world puts you down and makes you feel like a clown, that's not it. You just can't quit." I wanted to hear more of his music from this period, so I focused in on his music from 1967-1972. One album in particular stood out to me. It was his first and only entire self-composed album, "Rick Sings Nelson." I saw his resilience, his wisdom, and in his words, his "philosophy." I realized that if anyone had stood against society's whims, it was Rick. If anyone had been rejected, it was Rick. If anyone had ever been lonely, it was Rick. These were the problems that were and are daily struggles for me. If anyone understood how I felt, it was Rick. Even though we were never even on this Earth at the same time, Rick was and still is the person most like me that I "know." I remember the exact moment I realized this because I just had to sit down and cry for two reasons. 1) Thank God I finally found someone who is like me. 2) He is dead. I decided that even though he is dead, I can still learn from him and his philosophy. One thing that struck me was his passion. The reason he was so resilient was his passion. He was passionate about his music and staying true to himself, no matter what people did or said. I admired that because I am a people pleaser. I will try to deny it, but it's true. (If I ever sound like I am "doing my own thing" with ease, there is a 153% I am lying.) Deep down, I feel obligated to make everyone happy and do what people want me to. If that means denying myself and the little whispers of my soul, I will want to do that to keep the other person happy. I will most definitely need a pep talk, or in my case a "pep song," to keep me from doing so. I tend to feel selfish if I don't comply, but Rick showed me that you don't have to be selfish to be true to yourself. You can be loving, you can do good, you can help others, you can make a difference, you can contribute to society without being like society. I even got the crazy notion that whatever I am supposed to contribute, will only happen when I am true to myself. This idea blew my mind and honestly still does. It seems so simple, but to a people pleaser like me, making someone unhappy to complete my life calling does not make sense. I decided that I was going to carry myself with the same passion that Rick did. It was hard and I still struggle, but it has been better. I have lost friends, people who I thought were there for me to the end completely abandoned me because I wouldn't bend to their standards. I used to be very hurt by the actions of these people. I would lie awake at night and think "If only I had done what they wanted." Slowly, I came to realize that I had done it! I stood up for who I was, what I believed in, and everything I wanted to become. I had been passionate and enough to actually bring change. Remember, change scares me. Change sometimes hurts, and this time it did. But I did it! After realizing that I had finally stood for myself, I was actually happy. It's bittersweet, but the "sweet" still remains. Passion sometimes brings rejection. That's something that Rick and I can both testify for again and again. Another thing that we can agree on is that rejection often brings freedom. Being with the wrong people can put you in a box. I don't know if you've spent much time in a box lately, but I hear you can suffocate in them. I don't sit it boxes because it would be a waste of time and I would get claustrophobic, but I do know that staying in the "boxes" that people make for you can make you feel like you're suffocating. In the mid 60s Rick was a victim to this kind of suffocation. He knew this and began searching for something bigger - for truth, meaning, and his own philosophy. The quest lead him to Hermann Hesse's book, "Siddhartha."  In 1969, Rick wrote a song based off of the book. (Which is an awesome book if I do say so myself!) This song was titled "Easy to be Free," which is where I got the inspiration for this post's title. Rick writes about his experience of breaking free and becoming the person he was meant to be. I suppose when you look at it through the eyes of Rick, change isn't always scary. Sometimes you'll find that it's the best thing that happened. I have found, with the help of Rick, that you'll never be disappointed if you stay true to yourself. You may lose people, you may even lose opportunities that you thought were the chance of a lifetime, but when you let everything pan out, it was never meant to be in the first place. This is often a hard truth to live out. I often feel as though Rick and I are "soul mates." Now before you think I've gone mad, I don't mean the typical usage of the term "soul mates." I mean that our inner truths, convictions, and life goals are the same. (Think on a mental or spiritual level. I don't not want to be known as the Prince of Rock 'n' Roll.) Regardless of the circumstance of him having passed so long ago or the fact that I never knew him, I have to say that I truly love him. The dictionary definition of "love" is: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. I can't think of a better way to describe it. It's a dark and a surreal love, but love none the less. In Rick's autobiographical song "Gypsy Pilot" he says, "He loved everybody, and he hopes you do the same." Maybe, just maybe, I managed to fit in to that "everybody." I feel that I have a duty to pass on Rick's philosophy since it has impacted me so much. If I had to sum it up, I would say, "When you are true to yourself, you are free, and 'It's so easy to be free.' "