All my life, I have been different. As a young child, I can remember feeling older. When I was in daycare, I assumed the responsibility of watching the others as if I worked there. Sometimes this got me in to trouble... like the time I fed a baby two full bottles, and one of them wasn't even hers! Most of the time, I did a decent job though. As I got older and became school aged, my "old soul" further developed. I would walk the perimeter of the playground alone, and think about my life, the lives of my peers, why things were the way they were, how the government works, what career I want, the best parenting methods, and many other things that some college aged people don't think about. My soul was aging exponentially quicker than I actually was. As time went by, I became a deeper thinker. Everything was (and still is) symbolic to me, I speak in metaphors, and nothing is black or white. I wasn't relating or connecting to anyone. I felt alone in every aspect. I would purposefully isolate myself from others because, "It's easier to be alone because I physically remove myself from everyone, than to go out with other people and feel like an alien." I plummeted into a dark depression. Loneliness was my life. It was during this period that I fell in love with music, because in the big music industry, a handful of people knew what it meant to be alone in life. Because of them, I had hope. One song in particular was "Unity" by Shinedown. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen to it right now. Like open a new tab, play it, and then finish reading this. It's that good. I learned to be content with my own company. Loneliness didn't bother me as bad. The problem was, that I enjoyed being alone so much that I had no life, no friends, nothing. When I say I had no friends, I am not kidding. Most of the time it didn't even bother me, but at the end of the day, when I just needed someone, no one was there. I was so frustrated. Why couldn't people enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed it? Why didn't I connect with others with the ease that other people seemed to? Why did I have the soul of a 90 year old woman? Why in the world was I just so different?
All my life, I have been different. As a young child, I can remember feeling older. When I was in daycare, I assumed the responsibility of watching the others as if I worked there. Sometimes this got me in to trouble... like the time I fed a baby two full bottles, and one of them wasn't even hers! Most of the time, I did a decent job though. As I got older and became school aged, my "old soul" further developed. I would walk the perimeter of the playground alone, and think about my life, the lives of my peers, why things were the way they were, how the government works, what career I want, the best parenting methods, and many other things that some college aged people don't think about. My soul was aging exponentially quicker than I actually was. As time went by, I became a deeper thinker. Everything was (and still is) symbolic to me, I speak in metaphors, and nothing is black or white. I wasn't relating or connecting to anyone. I felt alone in every aspect. I would purposefully isolate myself from others because, "It's easier to be alone because I physically remove myself from everyone, than to go out with other people and feel like an alien." I plummeted into a dark depression. Loneliness was my life. It was during this period that I fell in love with music, because in the big music industry, a handful of people knew what it meant to be alone in life. Because of them, I had hope. One song in particular was "Unity" by Shinedown. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen to it right now. Like open a new tab, play it, and then finish reading this. It's that good. I learned to be content with my own company. Loneliness didn't bother me as bad. The problem was, that I enjoyed being alone so much that I had no life, no friends, nothing. When I say I had no friends, I am not kidding. Most of the time it didn't even bother me, but at the end of the day, when I just needed someone, no one was there. I was so frustrated. Why couldn't people enjoy my company as much as I enjoyed it? Why didn't I connect with others with the ease that other people seemed to? Why did I have the soul of a 90 year old woman? Why in the world was I just so different?
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