"For from days of old no one has heard, nor has ear perceived, nor has the eye seen a God besides You, who works and acts in behalf of the one who gladly waits for Him."
- Isaiah 64:4
I guess I wasn't really prepared for this "in between." I feel as though I have one foot in the past and the other in the future.
Some mornings I wake up, the morning sun hits my skin, fresh air fills my lungs, I feel the new mercies of the Lord in my bones. The smell of my coffee brewing stirs excitement in me for the possibilities of Today.
Some mornings I wake up and it feels like the light of the sun can't quite reach me. Instead of breathing in fresh morning air, I suck in anxiety and regret - I am drowning. Again. My vision blurs as my past consumes me. I sink further and further into this bottomless ocean, sure that either I have ruined my life, or my life has ruined me.
The calm after a storm is eerily quiet. After growing accustomed to all the chaos that the storm brought, peace and quiet is foreign. While I'm "in between," the quiet is scary. There is much impending change in my life. The next step for me is unknown, and all I hear is silence. There was a time when the next right thing was made so clear to me by God. He guided and He provided. But now it's quiet.
When I mistake silence for inactivity, I remind myself of Isaiah 64. Maybe God is being quite now. Or maybe I'm just not listening. I'm not an expert theologian. I know that I do not understand all the ways of the Lord. But, writing this, I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 11:5,
"Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby in its mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God who does all things."
What stands out to me the most is:
1. God is active.
2. He does ALL things.
So, while I cannot hear Him now, and I don't see a lot of change or progress in my life at the moment, I can trust that He is the doer of all deeds and that He will do exactly what needs to be done exactly when it needs to be done. And whenever that deed is done, I fully believe that I will see all the behind-the-scenes work that God is doing on my behalf right now!
Quiet can be scary. Just like the dark, quiet means unknown.
I think my pastor said it best, "Our hope is anchored in the eternal purposes of God."
More than a plan for my life, He has a plan for eternity that I get to be a small part of. In my life, I have found nothing to be so humbling, yet so comforting; no better light in the dark, or better song to sing to the silence.
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