Monday the 9th, my crew and I had our last Bible Study together. That was both one of the best and one of the worst days of my life. I didn't expect to take it this hard. I was happy about starting it, but I did not think I would get so attached. I didn't plan on crying my eyes out like I am right now. I didn't plan on loving everyone so much. About the only thing that went according to my plan is that we had Bible Study and we ate PB&J sandwiches. I'm not complaining, though. As usual, things went better than I planned. This group of people will always be one of my favorite little wonders in my life. I wish that I could say that I have another study in the works, but I can't. I don't have one planned because there won't be one. A few of us (me included) are moving away, so we won't be able to be together the same way ever again. Here is what I can say:
March 2016, I had a vision to start a Bible Study with a group of people that I liked. I wanted to get to know them all more and hoped that we would all grow in our faith together. That being said, I was nervous. I'm not rich, so the best food I could provide was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. So enticing, right? As most people know, I'm not outgoing, so I was concerned about anyone even showing up to hear the quiet girl talk about God. I was very close to changing my mind about the whole thing - like I had basically decided not to go through with my plan. The next day, I was reading my Bible, and the first verse I read was Joshua 1:6 which says: "Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people...." Needless to say, I decided that I should definitely start this Bible study and not worry about the response - as long as I do what I know I need to, God will take care of the rest. The first week was decent. I had my biggest crowd (maybe tied for the last week), but the conversation was slow and I was WAY nervous. Each week got better. The group got a little smaller, but the conversation was better. (That's just the law of social interaction according to my introverted self.)
May 2016, I have a heart full of memories from an awesome Bible Study and a group of people I love. Just like I had hopes and expectations for the Bible Study, I have hopes and expectations for our lives after Bible Study. I hope that we will continue to grow closer, that we will learn to lean on each other for support, that we will provide each other with a safe haven, that we will guide each other when we don't know what to do, that we will pray for each other, that we will invest in each other, and most of all that we will look at these (basically) two months together and have memories that fill us with joy, peace, and a love for one another. A couple days ago I apologized to them for being a "sentimental freak," but I'm not sure if I'm really sorry. Should I be sorry that after pouring out my energy, time, heart, and wallet that I just really love you guys? If it makes you uncomfortable, I'm sorry for that, but I'm not sorry for loving you and wanting to realize all the potential that we have as a group. I just need you guys to know that I have been beyond blessed by every single one of you. Everyone has their strengths and different personalities, so you have all blessed me in an individual way. I started this Bible Study because I saw a need for it (and also God pretty much jumped out of my Bible), but I didn't realize that I may have been the one in need of it the most. When I say, "You're 'Extra' special to me," I mean it. Every one of you holds a special place in my heart. If you're every feeling down, know that I am always more than ready to be the friend you need. (I may be quiet, but I am actually really caring and waiting for someone to open up to me... I like deep conversations. If you want to call me crying, totally do that because I was put on this Earth to comfort crying people. I don't want you to be crying, but if the ol' tears get the best of you I'll be here.)
- Chloe
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