My Third Birthday

Today is a special day for me. Today, I celebrate my third birthday. Now, you’re probably confused. It’s not Leap Year, and if it was, I would actually be twelve years old – and I’m clearly not. You see, it’s not my physical birthday. It’s my spiritual birthday. Three years ago, today, I was, as Jesus said, born again.

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God…. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” – John 3:3, 6

I would like to take a moment to reminisce on my “birthday.”

I grew up in church. Many of my earliest memories take place in my grandma’s church – singing hymns, getting piggy back rides from the youth, shyly smiling at my grandma’s friends as we ate at many pot luck dinners, and making tons of crafts during Vacation Bible School. As I grew, I became more knowledgeable on religious matters. I knew all the “important” stories. I generally knew the right things to say when my teachers asked questions. When I was upper-elementary/middle school age, I began to grow proud for what I perceived to be a plethora of knowledge of God. I didn’t feel Him in my life, but I could answer all the questions and that’s what mattered to me. For me, church was just another thing to add my straight-A report card.

As a devote and active member of my church, when I came of age (7^th grade) to attend camp with our youth group, I was there. The second night of camp, one of my friends went down during the invitation. The next night, I did. I knew all the answers, of course, so my youth pastor was easily convinced that I had made a genuine decision. Rather than get better, my life seemed to fall apart of my “decision.” As I moved into high school, my straight-A report card faded into a letter from the school informing my parents that I had a 43 in English, and that the school would begin to take away privileges from me until I was able to get my grade to a passing one. You may or may not me a rocket scientist, but as a writer, English is something that comes naturally to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand the class, but rather, internally I was falling apart. So much that it was affecting my grades. I was not a light in my school. Socially and emotionally I was a wreck. Most days, I wore pajamas. Over the next few years, my grades improved drastically, but that’s about it. Every other aspect of my life grew worse and worse. I became depressed and suicidal, I would binge eat, then go days barely eating. I hated myself and I hated life. I continued to go to church, only because I was “supposed to.” I would fake a smile and continue to spout all the right answers, successfully warding off any doubts from those around me and myself for a while.

The summer before my junior year in high school, I returned to that same church camp. I was absolutely broken. I had spent the past four years struggling and searching. For much of the week, I didn’t enjoy myself. I was oddly silent when any questions were asked. I didn’t spout any knowledge. I honestly just wanted to go home. On the fourth of five nights, our speaker, pastor Clayton King, began to speak to people just like me. I remember him saying that there were people in the crowd who had made some kind of decision in the past, but it wasn’t real. It was an emotion-fueled experience, but not a soul change. (It was at this point I began to squirm in my seat.) He went on to say that we had probably been struggling since then, and that we had tried and tried to be good enough, we may have rededicated several times, but nothing seemed to work. Then he made this statement that changed my life, “You guys keep trying to rededicate something you don’t even have.”

June 12, 2014, Christ came into my life and began to work in me. Three years later, He is still working in me, and revealing truth to me. I am so grateful for God’s patience with me that comes from His unbelievable love for me. I hope I never take it for granted and that I never forget just how far He reached to pull me up. To you, it may be just another day, but remembering these things makes it a happy, happy birthday to me.

Comment below and tell me about your birthday! If you don't have one and you would like to, talk to me or someone you know who can help you. I would love to be birthday buddies with someone!