A Letter to My Nine-Year-Old Self

This is me as the flower girl at my mom's wedding,

 at nine years old.

As I was working out this morning, I asked myself a simple question: "How did I get so fat?" I couldn't control my thoughts, though, so it ended up being a reflection on my whole life. My childhood in particular. That's when I began to think of things I wish I could go back and tell myself when I was nine, as it was a pivotal year in my life.

Dear Chloe,

     Life must feel pretty crazy for you right now. Everything is changing; I know how that scares you. It's okay to be afraid, just don't let it keep you from living the fun life. I'm sure right now you can't imagine anything being fun. Your mom just got married, you've just changed schools, you broke your arm trying to be "Wild Woman" on your bike (i.e., carrying an armful of things, reading a book, and flying down the ramp as fast as you could - all at the same time), and your meeting new people seemingly everyday that are supposed to be your family all of a sudden. You're going to to want to argue a lot. Don't do it. Just don't. It won't get you as far as you think it will. Instead, focus on being the best Chloe that you can be. Oddly enough, that will mean doing what you want. I know right now you want to make your new family happy. No matter what you do, it won't work, so you just be yourself. According them, there are no basketball players, baseball players, football players, softball players, etc., all athletes are "dang jocks." That's okay, though. Don't give up your love for basketball. I know you think that if you trade it in for livestock showing and horse riding that you will win their approval, but you won't. I promise you'll regret it. Later, you'll discover an amazing musician named Ricky Nelson, and he's going to change your whole world by telling you, "You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself." He's going to be one of your biggest inspirations, and a big reason why you learn to play guitar. (Yes, you finally get a guitar!) You'll get to be in a band. You'll get your heart broken by it, but when it's all said and done, you'll be a better person for it.  There will be times when you won't have a friend to talk to, you'll feel alienated from your family, and you'll wonder why you're here. It's okay, it happens to the best of us. Keep your chin up through it all! One day, you'll find a couple good friends that will more than make up for all the bad ones, and you'll learn that these are the people that are really there for you even though they aren't "family." Oh and remember that song you loved that slipped through the cracks in your crazy life? It's called "Unwell." You'll find it again on one of the best days of your life. Right now, God isn't really real to you, but one day He will be the realest thing there is to you and the driving force behind all that you do. Even though you hate your school now, it'll grow on you. You won't believe me when I tell you that you're going to cry over a dozen times in the weeks leading up to graduation. Speaking of graduation, you probably aren't sure what the term "full ride scholarship" means, but you'll get one of those. I wish I could tell you that things get better, but they don't. You get better. There will always be something wrong, but that's not an excuse to be miserable. You're life is always going to be crazy, but you've just got to learn to love it that way. You've been through so much up to this point - more than some people ever have, but you survived and you'll make through the rest of your life just fine. The most important thing is that you do what you love without apologies, be kind to others, and like they say in your favorite movie, A Cinderella Story (which will always be one of your favorites), "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

xoxo,
The Grown-Up You