I Thought It Was Dead

This year I have taken a liking to plants. I have quite the collection now, and it all started with the lily that I mentioned in March. My lily is my pride and joy, the beginning of an era for me - the plant era. At the beginning of this summer, one of the two plants completely died. I was upset because I thought I had failed, but I still had one that looked decent. Then the inevitable happened. About two weeks ago the second plant began to wilt and sag, then overnight, the whole thing shriveled up and was as dead as could be. I'm going to be honest with you, I was holding back tears. I took this plant thing serious. I wanted to keep something alive. I wanted to prove to myself that not everything I touch (i.e., projects, career goals, relationships - literally everything) turns to dust. I know it's wrong, but I put a lot of weight on silly things like that. (Flashback to the one time that I had to make an A on a speech about Sylvester Stallone to prove to myself that I am a worthy human being. I wish I was kidding.) I can't help it, I guess. So when I was left with a two gnats swarming a pot of dirt, I took it as a sign that I am destined to fail at everything forever.

A day or two later, I was shocked to find a tiny sprout poking out of the middle of the pot. I had watched the life slowly leave that plant. There was nothing left. I didn't have much hope for the little sprout. I figured I would kill it too. Now, I get to marvel at my new lily that has grown, and am watching another sprout come up beside it. I have been ecstatic over this. Not only am I looking forward to more lilies this year, but maybe I'm not destined for failure after all! 

My "new" lily!

I was gazing at my plant yesterday when I had a realization: the plant never died. I thought it was dead, but it was bursting with new life just under the surface of the dirt. Is there a situation in your life that's the same way? Have you given up because as far as you can tell there is no hope. I can't help but think of Lazarus (John 11). As far as Mary and Martha could tell, he was dead and gone forever, but under the surface of appearance and human capability and logic, Lazarus had plenty of life left in him.

I don't know where you are in life, but I know I am in a season of waiting. It seems that most areas in my life are on hold, and if something doesn't give they could go from being on hold to being on a downward spiral. At this point, I'm really just waiting on God and thinking, "If You don't come through, I'm screwed." Some days all I can do is cry because everything seems so uncertain. I don't even know where I will be living in a year or if I will have a job. I don't know how I am going to afford the medical care I need to keep my endometriosis under control. I am scared, and it's easy for me to lose hope. It's easy for me to look at my life and believe that God has forgotten me, that all hope is gone. That I will be like Mary and Martha, saying, "Lord, if you had been here,...."

Maybe you are there, too. Maybe you feel forgotten. Maybe you look at your life and it looks like a pot of dirt with a few gnats swarming around it. But maybe under the surface where you can't see, there is life - abundant life (John 10:10),  new beginnings (2 Corinthians 5:17), and purpose for you (Philippians 1:6).

"Now then, stand still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!" 

- 1 Samuel 12:16